He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
