Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
