Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
