I'm eating all of the evidence.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
