Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
