I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
