i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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