I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
