Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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