i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
