I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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