Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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