We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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