well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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