Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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