forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize