i don't like sucking hair
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
