After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
