You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
