i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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