Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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