im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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