loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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