Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
