Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
