the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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