Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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