Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
