half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
