I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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