remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
