Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
