I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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