Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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