I will die if light touches me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
