I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
