Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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