if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
