All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
