shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
