get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Randomize
