If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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