I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
