Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
