You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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