she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
