I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
