I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
