I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
