the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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