he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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