Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
