I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
