Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
