Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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