Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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