Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
