Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
