I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
