By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
