Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
