Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
