JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
