oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My life is pants optional.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
