Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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