Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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