you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
