So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
