Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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