you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
